Martha, on Discovery. Sling Diaries, Vol VII.

The Sling Diaries, Volume VII. A photo-documentary chronicling the art of baby wearing in the lives of families around the world. Over the course of six months, Sling Diarists will create their own Sling Diary though a series of diary entries interpreting a unique theme given to them each month.

Meet all of our Sling Diarists here.

ON DISCOVERY

I am a wife and a mother, but I am also a woman. A woman that needs more hair down and red lipstick days. Less nursing bras and more fun tops. I need more me, for me and only me. I am a woman underneath the mother, and I am alive. I became a mother of three sooner than I expected, and many parts of my life changed fast. I have been giving and giving and have lost a part of what makes me me. Most of my energy and thoughts go into my family, rightly so. But along the way, I have slowly dropped any interests or talents I had. What do I do for me or for fun? Does hanging out with the children count? Is that a hobby? I can’t think of anything right now, and that is a defining moment for me. 

Motherhood has been my identity for the past 5 years, and I have loved it so much, but I am more than a mother. Yes, my entire life revolves around my three children, but how can it not, they are my entire world. They are so beautiful, and magical and more than I ever imagined they’d be. They are life, they’re everything, my everything!

But I am here wanting more. Part of me wants to own a business one day, run a marathon, coach or play basketball again, make a difference in the world, blog, go on vacations with my husband and have a whole lot more of alone time. I discovered that I am lacking alone time, me time. I have been craving alone time and perhaps it’s because it is a basic need for humans. Spending all day with my children used to fuel me but now I feel drained, correction, it leaves me drained, and I feel so exhausted. It leaves me feeling not like myself but give me a couple hours alone and I come alive. I reconnect, I feel re-inspired and return stronger than ever.

This season that I am in is quite unique and I have fully embraced it, I truly I have. I do what I can with what I have. Mothering three (5, 2 & 9 months), nursing two, a husband who is only here in the mornings, evenings are lonely and exhausting, weekends are hard and tiring, but I have discovered that every season brings new challenges to motherhood and to who I am – as a mother, a wife, a woman and a human. I know what I need, I know putting my hair down and some lipstick can go a long way. I want to feel the woman and the mother in me. I want to be able to switch roles without hesitation, without guilt. Mothering my little Castros has been my calling since day one. I want to do it full time, and more, but I also want more of me. 

I don’t know what more of me means right at this very moment. Maybe I’ll discover it with time, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, but something that I do know is that in this season that I am in, I am here to mother and to start enjoying the woman side of me. To mother those little babies of mine and keep a hold of the “old me” while doing it…..with red lipstick and my hair down. 

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Follow along with Martha over on Instagram, @mrscastro, and The Sling Diaries on Pinterest. Photography by Vanessa Raygoza