Jacquelene, on Discovery. Sling Diaries Vol VII.
The Sling Diaries, Volume VII. A photo-documentary chronicling the art of baby wearing in the lives of families around the world. Over the course of six months, Sling Diarists will create their own Sling Diary though a series of diary entries interpreting a unique theme given to them each month.
Meet all of our Sling Diarists here.
ON DISCOVERY
When I first realized I was pregnant, I cried. Not tears of joy either, tears of ‘holy shit this is really happening.’ It wasn’t that I hadn’t hoped this would happen, we were trying, it was just, I was scared. Always a wanderer, never able to settle, constantly chasing new experiences that made me feel alive. I love the feeling of newness and being out of my element and really, I don’t thrive when I have spent a lot of time in one place or one job. So, I layed in bed, my boobs aching, a day late on my period, afraid to take a pregnancy test. And then, I took the test, put it on the sink and jumped in the shower letting the hot water calm me. When I peaked out from the curtain, I saw two pink lines. I took a deep breath; the smell of my lavender soap filled the air. I smiled and thought, ‘I hope this one likes adventure.’
I’ve heard countless times that pregnancy and motherhood are the greatest adventures but for me, the greatest are yet to come. The ones I plan to take my children on: swimming in every body of water on this planet, digging our toes in the sandy beaches, eating the foods and climbing the mountains.
I know most people believe that discovering new things and places starts with a search but, I want you to consider it to be slightly different. I think, the greatest adventures, opportunities, people and places discover you. Just as my tiny adventurer discovered me and chose me to be her mom.
Think about it. Have some of the most amazing things happened to you when you weren’t looking for them? For me, this has been true.
That is why, as I sit back, a full year without what I consider an adventure (an airplane ride, a new place, a free spirit) I am trying not to push for it and let whatever is currently manifesting for me, discover me. This hasn’t been an easy time. It has been three years since I moved back from Africa and I still long for that feeling of aliveness. But, I am aware of this feeling. Sure, I’ve cried a lot. I have come up with every idea on how to move, go, travel, work but nothing has fallen into place. I’ve got an indecisiveness that pushes and pulls me which is why I can’t search too hard. I won’t be able to decide which way to go.
I wonder if this is hard for some of you to understand. Not all of us crave this feeling. Some find comfort in stability but I find comfort in the unknown.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m thriving in this role of motherhood and I love it. I do feel alive. I left my full-time job to be with my daughter and to focus on my writing. Daily I feel more content than ever. But, I’m craving a new landscape and for a new opportunity to discover me. Not just for me, for my girl as well and for my husband. I have seen things and places that have created magic within me. I’ve felt that feeling of being so alive you are high on an experience. I want that for my family. I want them to see me light up.
I hope for all of you, something discovers you that makes you feel alive. Something that gives your heart that feeling of true freedom, enabling you to dive deeply into the moment. I hope all of you mothers or soon to be, have the chance outside of your children to experience something that sets your soul on fire. Share that with them. When they see us ignite, that is when they too, will soar.
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