Diandra, on Transformation. Sling Diaries, Vol VII.

The Sling Diaries, Volume VII. A photo-documentary chronicling the art of baby wearing in the lives of families around the world. Over the course of six months, Sling Diarists will create their own Sling Diary though a series of diary entries interpreting a unique theme given to them each month.

Meet all of our Sling Diarists here.

ON TRANSFORMATION

I’m never having children. 

I remember so clearly the day that I made that decision. I was in an abusive marriage, and I knew that I did not want to subject innocent children to what I was facing daily.

After several years, I got out. I came home to live with my parents, and my mom told me later that she worried that I would never again be whole. That I was such a shell of who I had once been. I was unrecognizable. It’s been years, and there are days I still have to dig deep to find that girl that I was before.

But truthfully, Even though she’s still there at my core, that’s no longer who I am. Life has a funny way of transforming who you are. How you think, what you believe, your hopes and dreams. For me, that transformation started when I was able to realize my worth again. It was a single moment, that just like the decision not to have children, I remember clearly. And it was the moment that led me to leave him. 

Have you ever seen a wind turbine? It’s a HUGE piece of metal that’s been constructed in such a way as to turn beautiful, free, unpredictable wind into powerful, reliable, useable electricity. 

When I look at my life thus far, I often feel like it’s been through a wind turbine. The once beautiful, carefree, unpredictable life I lived was taken and transformed. It was painful. And It was hard. And It turned me into someone unrecognizable. But then, I became something strong, powerful and reliable.

Those fears of having children transformed into hopes and dreams of a family. And those hopes and dreams turned into 3 beautiful babies, and my entire world. My life changed. My circumstances changed. My relationships changed. And suddenly, the thought of having babies of my own was something that gave me immense joy instead of great fear. 

The thing is, Transformation might start in a moment, like making the difficult decision to Leave a toxic relationship, or the moment you hear the glorious first cries of your brand new baby.

But it’s also a process, because with each passing day we grow and change in one way or another. Nothing is static. 

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